it is 3 p.m. i am still in my bed. i decided to skip the classes and dedicate this day to my recovering. the Iceland i am seeing now is framed down to 1x1,5m window. i hear cars driving in the distance. i think they actually never stop. it is amazing. people here drive to every single place that is more then 20m away. and i always thought northern people are so eko-oriented. another stereotype demolished. if Myth Busters run out of the subject matter, they should come here. a lot of myths to bust around.
the sky is lighted now for 1 hout more than on the day i came here. the difference between darkness on the 21st Dezember and the light on 21st June is extreme. i calculated the day gets longer for 10 minutes each day. quite noticeable addition. i like that change. makes my heart sing and eyes shine. it is like, everyday gives a small but significant amount to the hope of a next day emerging. one is always looking ahead, not backwards. this i can see now. in a way i think life stream Icelanders have created here is connected to that. looking forward.
that is ok, however, one might lose control of it. with every confirmation of expectation the insight into future gets greedier. at first for a day, than for two, next time for a week... untill one finishes up planing things for 20 years in advance.
in chaos theory there is no future. you cannot predict anything, because the calculations aren't linear. they have many attributes, which are tightly interwined so the solutions are impossible to get. there are only assumptions. but we humans do it still. and so, we have a weather forecast. to me it was funny that Iceland has this major Forecast site predicting weather for 10 days in advance. i thought, how can this be, if the weather changes so quickly. it is impossible to know for sure. in reality the site fails to tell the actual conditions here.
i go out dressed for snow in the afternoon, but it is snowing already and the temperatures are much higher than supposed to be. or the other way around. i am dressed for the sun and rain surprises me on exit with temperatures below zero.
what is it about future that we so need to be sure of? it is always the same. many movies have been made on a theme of how small changes influence the future path. one of greatest ones was Sliding doors with Gwyneth Paltrow. in my opinion it was also the best one, because in the end there was the same result, just path was different. it is how i'd see life, if i really had to decide on fate issue.
we need confirmation of a next day coming. of a next meeting happening. of a next coffee debate, next love affair, next issue solved, next happiness coming....we always say that it will be better next time. yes hope dies last. but there is no assurance, we will be having one next some "thing"...
now is all we have and i said that many times before. but still, even though you all nod with your heads now or think i am repeating myself, you still are worried about next moment.
we all share the same problem.
the thing about Icelandic people is they put much trust into the future. they felt secure in the situation they were. enjoyed the prosperity they had in that very moment, when in fact it was bought with the luck based on continuity of the present in the future. buying things you cannot pay for. that is just irrational. how can someone's happiness base on things that will hopefully hold still in the future? could be my happiness, that i am feeling now, based on a possibility of something happening tomorrow? could be my love, i feel for You now, caused by the hope of once being together? No, it is irrational. Chance is not hope. it is running from doubt, one knows inside. noone likes to accept the negative reality. but there is none, actually. the "negative" has it's reason in expectations. if i have them high and they don't come true, then my reality is negative. well, reality is just the way it is. real. no adjectives possible to add to. none at all.
so where is the fate in it all? we love to see romantic movies talking about fate. i know I DO. we need that fate in all the chaos. but the funny part of chaos theory is, there are laws in it too. there is a system, but too complex to understand. to me, chaos theory explains Life. i couldn't get rid of that feeling when i was reading Chaos theory related books. Life as it is. hidden in every single occurence. in every single movement, thought or existence.
i watched a movie yesterday. Slumdog Millionaire. it is a huge success. huge winner in the golden globes. i had my doubts before i started to watch it. but a boy, i put much trust into, has put it on his favorite movie list. and he was right. i got caught in an instant. it is about fate, love, real life and it never loses the poetic note even in most aggrevating situations. this is how life is. always positive. or just simply IS.
i am an idelaist. i believe in love. i believe it is the only force that exist. we are born out of love and sure, as we die we die into love again. we go home.
and so i feel secure now. i let it all go. my expectations and plans. my wishes and my desires. my sadness and my happiness. i am living emotions that were born today. through the night fate revealed itself and i understood the meaning of the film. now i know inside, that i am meant to be with you. it doesn't matter when or how. i am not looking into the future, iceland taught me it shouldn't be like that. this moment and each that follows is a comfirmation of destiny i am following without any effort. the road that will bring us together changes every single second, but goal remains the same. i am here now and you are somewhere else. one day we'll bump into eachother and we will know who we are.
the sky is lighted now for 1 hout more than on the day i came here. the difference between darkness on the 21st Dezember and the light on 21st June is extreme. i calculated the day gets longer for 10 minutes each day. quite noticeable addition. i like that change. makes my heart sing and eyes shine. it is like, everyday gives a small but significant amount to the hope of a next day emerging. one is always looking ahead, not backwards. this i can see now. in a way i think life stream Icelanders have created here is connected to that. looking forward.
that is ok, however, one might lose control of it. with every confirmation of expectation the insight into future gets greedier. at first for a day, than for two, next time for a week... untill one finishes up planing things for 20 years in advance.
in chaos theory there is no future. you cannot predict anything, because the calculations aren't linear. they have many attributes, which are tightly interwined so the solutions are impossible to get. there are only assumptions. but we humans do it still. and so, we have a weather forecast. to me it was funny that Iceland has this major Forecast site predicting weather for 10 days in advance. i thought, how can this be, if the weather changes so quickly. it is impossible to know for sure. in reality the site fails to tell the actual conditions here.
i go out dressed for snow in the afternoon, but it is snowing already and the temperatures are much higher than supposed to be. or the other way around. i am dressed for the sun and rain surprises me on exit with temperatures below zero.
what is it about future that we so need to be sure of? it is always the same. many movies have been made on a theme of how small changes influence the future path. one of greatest ones was Sliding doors with Gwyneth Paltrow. in my opinion it was also the best one, because in the end there was the same result, just path was different. it is how i'd see life, if i really had to decide on fate issue.
we need confirmation of a next day coming. of a next meeting happening. of a next coffee debate, next love affair, next issue solved, next happiness coming....we always say that it will be better next time. yes hope dies last. but there is no assurance, we will be having one next some "thing"...
now is all we have and i said that many times before. but still, even though you all nod with your heads now or think i am repeating myself, you still are worried about next moment.
we all share the same problem.
the thing about Icelandic people is they put much trust into the future. they felt secure in the situation they were. enjoyed the prosperity they had in that very moment, when in fact it was bought with the luck based on continuity of the present in the future. buying things you cannot pay for. that is just irrational. how can someone's happiness base on things that will hopefully hold still in the future? could be my happiness, that i am feeling now, based on a possibility of something happening tomorrow? could be my love, i feel for You now, caused by the hope of once being together? No, it is irrational. Chance is not hope. it is running from doubt, one knows inside. noone likes to accept the negative reality. but there is none, actually. the "negative" has it's reason in expectations. if i have them high and they don't come true, then my reality is negative. well, reality is just the way it is. real. no adjectives possible to add to. none at all.
so where is the fate in it all? we love to see romantic movies talking about fate. i know I DO. we need that fate in all the chaos. but the funny part of chaos theory is, there are laws in it too. there is a system, but too complex to understand. to me, chaos theory explains Life. i couldn't get rid of that feeling when i was reading Chaos theory related books. Life as it is. hidden in every single occurence. in every single movement, thought or existence.
i watched a movie yesterday. Slumdog Millionaire. it is a huge success. huge winner in the golden globes. i had my doubts before i started to watch it. but a boy, i put much trust into, has put it on his favorite movie list. and he was right. i got caught in an instant. it is about fate, love, real life and it never loses the poetic note even in most aggrevating situations. this is how life is. always positive. or just simply IS.
i am an idelaist. i believe in love. i believe it is the only force that exist. we are born out of love and sure, as we die we die into love again. we go home.
and so i feel secure now. i let it all go. my expectations and plans. my wishes and my desires. my sadness and my happiness. i am living emotions that were born today. through the night fate revealed itself and i understood the meaning of the film. now i know inside, that i am meant to be with you. it doesn't matter when or how. i am not looking into the future, iceland taught me it shouldn't be like that. this moment and each that follows is a comfirmation of destiny i am following without any effort. the road that will bring us together changes every single second, but goal remains the same. i am here now and you are somewhere else. one day we'll bump into eachother and we will know who we are.
i know rain will be falling on that day.
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