the wind has come in to Reykjavik. it is blowing outside, they said it is going to be a great storm tonight. strange, to me a storm always includes rain or snow. here, a storm in a clear sky with hard blowing wind. oh, and it is blowing fiercly. i wouldn't want to be outside the safety of my room right now, especially with the glaze that coveres the pavement, reserved for pedestrians. it was quite interesting today morning. i graciously skated with my shoes to the school (but read it clumsily and bumpily).
however, this wasn't the wind i was thinking of. no. befoer the actual wind came, the other kind of it blew through the streets of the Reykjavik. i know. I felt it. i sensed it in my change of decision. i decided to face it all. i spoke of that, quite boringly in former blog entries, but you shouldn't be mad at me for doing it so. i needed to write it down. One of my followers, Tine, said, it was a good idea for me to write it down the way i am doing, that way i could remember more. My staying, that is. and he was right. i did.
but what will i be looking at in time, when i am back home? at my sadness? at my unwillingness to act? at my passionate love? my irrational feelings? my Fear of being here? my Fall? NO. i will be looking into growth. into decision making. into facing and rising.
i knew, when i went form my home place to this strange land with these happy people, that i would be having troubles at the beginning. but on the contrary, i melted in so quickly, it seemed impossible, even to my friend Jorge. but there i was, feeling happy and cheerful in the first week. well, as it later came out, is wasn't real. for, just a week later, i was having all these weird thoughts going on, feeling all those strange emotions creeping in.
and so was reykjavik then. covered in the blackish gray dimmed atmosphere. sadness crawling among people. demonstrations being peaceful and boring. people loosing their faith in the power of one man's voice. oh, it was dragging everybody down. you couldn't escape it. you wouldn't even try to, for it felt appropriate at the time.
but then, a change came. people went out on tuesday. bringing their stuff from home, which they can make noise with. spoons, bells, pans, french keys, wooden sticks, ect. and they made noise. oh,what a noise it become. powerful! decisive! demanding! new! fresh! unique to the culture! and it made me dance! i went to the protest the other day. i was angry, because i haven't brought anything to join this raving. oh yes, it was raving. techno culture could learn something form them. it was amazing. then they burned a tree. in the middle of the square.
so i came home that night and i cut my hair. i rearranged my room and then dyed hair in black.
it was a purifying act and today, when i went to school, people were pleasantly surprised at my lightness of being. of course, they said i had great hair. and i do! i am looking pretty astonishing.
but that isn't the matter. what matters is, i spent my whole day in school. form 9 to midnight. and i laughed the whole time. to tears. i hadn't had such a laugh in years.
i was doing prints with copper plates. a technique i always wanted to achieve. and now i am doing it. professor liked it, so he invited me to an exhibition. i declined, of course, since i had to work on a video with my group i fall in love with in these three weeks.
they laughed at me in the beginning. but it didn't matter. i am a funny guy. i like to bring people to laugh. i am gay and a bit feminine as well, which is alwas funny to look at. i know i would laugh at myself if i saw me. but it was ok, they saw more to me, than just appearence. because now, when the end of our meetings is coming, they want me to come to the party tomorrow evening. they want me to skip my other one, i have been invited to, just to be with them. they need me there, because they begunn to really see inside of me. and a boy wishes for me to go running with him in the mornings. another girl wants to come to visit me in slovenia. my leading professor made a contact with me on a friendly level, the other on professional. the third was amazed with my understanding of his pieces of art and i fall in love with it, because it is simple, using the laws of physics and he never influences it on any level. he simply let's it evolve and dissolve.
so here it is, how i learn. through little miracles of everyday's communication by simply being who i am and not worrying to please anyone. the way everyone should be.
i think i will meet Bjork and we will work together. i think it might happen soon. one of my professors is her designer....just a step away, just a talk closer. hm!!
and so the reykjavik burns with a song on his face, melting the ice cube i came in with.
however, this wasn't the wind i was thinking of. no. befoer the actual wind came, the other kind of it blew through the streets of the Reykjavik. i know. I felt it. i sensed it in my change of decision. i decided to face it all. i spoke of that, quite boringly in former blog entries, but you shouldn't be mad at me for doing it so. i needed to write it down. One of my followers, Tine, said, it was a good idea for me to write it down the way i am doing, that way i could remember more. My staying, that is. and he was right. i did.
but what will i be looking at in time, when i am back home? at my sadness? at my unwillingness to act? at my passionate love? my irrational feelings? my Fear of being here? my Fall? NO. i will be looking into growth. into decision making. into facing and rising.
i knew, when i went form my home place to this strange land with these happy people, that i would be having troubles at the beginning. but on the contrary, i melted in so quickly, it seemed impossible, even to my friend Jorge. but there i was, feeling happy and cheerful in the first week. well, as it later came out, is wasn't real. for, just a week later, i was having all these weird thoughts going on, feeling all those strange emotions creeping in.
and so was reykjavik then. covered in the blackish gray dimmed atmosphere. sadness crawling among people. demonstrations being peaceful and boring. people loosing their faith in the power of one man's voice. oh, it was dragging everybody down. you couldn't escape it. you wouldn't even try to, for it felt appropriate at the time.
but then, a change came. people went out on tuesday. bringing their stuff from home, which they can make noise with. spoons, bells, pans, french keys, wooden sticks, ect. and they made noise. oh,what a noise it become. powerful! decisive! demanding! new! fresh! unique to the culture! and it made me dance! i went to the protest the other day. i was angry, because i haven't brought anything to join this raving. oh yes, it was raving. techno culture could learn something form them. it was amazing. then they burned a tree. in the middle of the square.
so i came home that night and i cut my hair. i rearranged my room and then dyed hair in black.
it was a purifying act and today, when i went to school, people were pleasantly surprised at my lightness of being. of course, they said i had great hair. and i do! i am looking pretty astonishing.
but that isn't the matter. what matters is, i spent my whole day in school. form 9 to midnight. and i laughed the whole time. to tears. i hadn't had such a laugh in years.
i was doing prints with copper plates. a technique i always wanted to achieve. and now i am doing it. professor liked it, so he invited me to an exhibition. i declined, of course, since i had to work on a video with my group i fall in love with in these three weeks.
they laughed at me in the beginning. but it didn't matter. i am a funny guy. i like to bring people to laugh. i am gay and a bit feminine as well, which is alwas funny to look at. i know i would laugh at myself if i saw me. but it was ok, they saw more to me, than just appearence. because now, when the end of our meetings is coming, they want me to come to the party tomorrow evening. they want me to skip my other one, i have been invited to, just to be with them. they need me there, because they begunn to really see inside of me. and a boy wishes for me to go running with him in the mornings. another girl wants to come to visit me in slovenia. my leading professor made a contact with me on a friendly level, the other on professional. the third was amazed with my understanding of his pieces of art and i fall in love with it, because it is simple, using the laws of physics and he never influences it on any level. he simply let's it evolve and dissolve.
so here it is, how i learn. through little miracles of everyday's communication by simply being who i am and not worrying to please anyone. the way everyone should be.
i think i will meet Bjork and we will work together. i think it might happen soon. one of my professors is her designer....just a step away, just a talk closer. hm!!
and so the reykjavik burns with a song on his face, melting the ice cube i came in with.
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