a plan

i am not sure, how i shall put this. but i am getting angry with everything that is happening here. too much of a talk, so much talk, words, words, words....and i am a kind of person who REALLY likes to say things. so it must be something deeper. i think i grew tired of them. words.
it is not just them, it is every single explanation i feel i need to share in order to be understood. and there is too much of a BLAH, to little of a DO.
i understand the situation Iceland is going through. i cannot identify with it, of course. it would be too pretencious of me to even consider being capable of feeling the same way. quite arrogant. and i know the pain, the hurt, the pride, the fear, the angry, the envy is getting higher and stronger here every and each day. i applaud to that. let's rage!!!! no really, LET'S RAGE!!!!
let us stand for what we believe! let us say it out loud! let us admit we were deceived! let us shout at bustards that covered our eyes with money! let us take a look at ourselves and see what we could have done better...let us fall into anarchy! let us destroy the existent system!
AND JUST GET OVER WITH IT, THEN!!!
i went to protest on saturday...it was supposed to be an artistic statement, we as a group are planing. nothing happened. noone showed up. three foreigners in the group, holding a stone, left alone by the very people who should have felt something and react to it. sad story.
i came here with no plans of how or who would i like to become. all i was sure that i will be doing, was simply being here and take in everything. i cleansed myself. made me pure. i deleted the mind settings i had before. i wanted to be clearminded, ready to suck in everything. i became this sponge you buy in a supermarket smelling of soft lemon you just want to squeeze into your glass.
and now i think it was the stupidiest thing i have done in my life. i should have brought my wall with me, my baggage, my story, my thoughts, my passion, my fullness.
i was deceived by my own ignorance. i was misled by everything i read about the iceland. i should have listened to Svetlana Makarovič, when she said, it was all an illusion. there is nothing they believe in. there are no dwarfes. no elves. there are stories, drunken people told, claiming they saw something on their way back home in a misty night, so i have been told. the only that remains fixed is their acceptance of everything possible. "why not!?" with the smile on their face.
and precisely the "why not!?" is killing me.
and there was no elf living in a hill everyone is talking about. there were so many accidents happening on that spot they just started to believe it was something "wrong" with it, so they made a curve around it. it was about superstition, not belief.
and as far as i have seen, the baggers are just biting at every piece of earth they bump into, not even considering to ask elves for a permition, if they may build something on that ground. the greed and money-power took over the reason and heart they possesed.
and you should know, i am not criticising, i am reporting from the talks i have with pure Iceland souls. they know ,they did wrong. and it is sad, to see this proud people humbled by their own vanity. there, i feel compassion, but i still can't indetify myself with them. it is so far away from what i am.
and so i came here. to this messed up and hurt country as a sponge. the sink is full of dirty water. sins pouring from every crack they find their way into. people, not sure of the future, confused and disarmed by the deaf ears of their government, have their faces up, but spirit is breaking. there is despair in the air these days. now that my excitement has set aside, i can see it clearly. it is the loss of hope and the realisation that protesting isn't going to change a thing.
power makes people deaf, blind and silent.
and sponge just keeps on sucking everything in. that is me. feeling strongly motivated to do something. feeling aggrevated by the talks i witness everyday. i am engaged into situation, ready to scream: stop talking and do something! WAAAAAAAAAAAA
it is pulling me in. the calmness can't find its place inside of me anymore. i am on the edge of loosing my tempre. it is so what i haven't hoped it would happen. but her it is. happening all the same!
and it made me realise. i don't believe in words anymore. so i am considering to stop writing blog. i consider never to speak at all. it would be a nice turn around in my life. a great achievemnt of my conscious mind. because i think art can speak for itself. music can speak for itself. love can speak for itself and so does sadness, hunger, thirst, anger, need, nature, animal, occurences, thoughts, visions, happiness, light, rain, thunder,rage, war, snow, hair, shivers, body, penis, vagina, smile, laughter, clothes, airplanes, trucks, autos, tires, buildings, will, prayer, bells, wood, keys, yoghurt!!

interpretations have no value
opinion has no value
report has no value
issues have no value
art has no value

only action has one small.

the greatest belongs to Life as it is.

thank god i am on my way to see the northern lights, maybe then i will feel better.